Virgil the Monkey Beast

Oh this is too cool. As I've shared with many of you after I've tipped back a few too many Vodka Tonics, it has always been a dream of mine to become filthy rich, buy up thousands of monkeys (the kind that are a) cute; and b) can live in our climate) and set them free! No, I'm not some PETA freak, I just love the idea of monkeys being as common as grey squirrels around these parts.

Imagine, driving down the road and seeing a monkey hanging from a power line.

Ole: Hey Lena...Did I just see a monkey over on highway B?
Lena: Yes Ole. Yes, you did.
Ole: That's wonderful. I love monkeys.

So anyhow, check out this article I just found:

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For the past few days, police in the far northwest suburb of Elgin have been searching, fruitlessly, for some sort of monkey-esque beast that has been spotted prowling the area. Three sightings in recent days have reported the same thing: a black and brown monkey, between three and four feet tall, lurking in the woods on Elgin's southwest side.

According to primate experts from the Brookfield Zoo, the description most closely matches that of a chimpanzee, since monkeys don't normally grow so tall. And, because chimps are apparently rare pets, Chicagoist chalks the sightings up to one of two things:

1) A vast study of Project X-ian proportions is taking place closer than we thought... and therefore, the Elgin monkey shall heretofore be known as "Virgil."

2) The west coast has its Abonimable Snowman, Loch Ness has its Nessie... and now Elgin is finally getting it mysterious creature due.

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OK...So many of you have already told me the monkey idea is a bad one. The get mean, fling poo, etc...

But how about starting a rumor of a mythical creature living in Camrock Park?!?! YEA! We need something like that in our little town...

I'm on it.